so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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