Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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