i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize