i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
