You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
