He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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