just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
