I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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