Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
