I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize