i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I look better un-naked...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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