I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
