i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
