So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
