If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
