Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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