Porn is love you can see.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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