Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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