It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
