you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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