Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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