How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
