woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
