Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
