why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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