hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
