Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
