I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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