What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
