it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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