chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
