Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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