Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
