I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
