college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
