I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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