How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
