i already hear my dad disowning me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
