you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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