just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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