Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
