I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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