apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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