shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize