We got so high we made milksteak
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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