Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I look better un-naked...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
