How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
