Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
