Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
do herpes really smell.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
