I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
