Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
