Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
