..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
