Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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