next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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