allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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