you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
