Who did Billy Mays play for?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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