I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
