My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
