i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
