I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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