i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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