what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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