I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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