Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
