just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
