So drunk its hurt
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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