Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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