i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
