had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
