i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
