im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
