Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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