hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
