Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
