at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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