You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
