she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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