what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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