he shaved USA in his pubs
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
