i would punch a child for taco bell
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
