Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
