I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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