I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
