I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize