suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
