So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
