I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize