when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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