i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
