forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
