We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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