Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
