It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
