yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
