no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
