wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
