Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
