Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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