Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
