I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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