My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
