Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize