Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
