Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
