woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
