I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
