Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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