You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize