Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
